I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
