I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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