i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
