The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
