Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
