I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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