but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
