ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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