I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
