just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
