Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
