Your tits are I can't wait for
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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