mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
