I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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