R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
