pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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