i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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