I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
