You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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