it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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