Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
