around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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