yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
