mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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