OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why did my mother make you get naked?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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