I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
