omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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