last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
