he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
