Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
