I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
