My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
