FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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