just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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