hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
