what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
