very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
