i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
