Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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