This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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