i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
