Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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