Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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