PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
