He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
