this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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