I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
