the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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