Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
