Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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