i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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