Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
